New blog...

I haven't been blogging much cause I'm been uninspired and bored I guess. I've also been very stressed lately and really struggling with handling that in a healthy way.

However...

I got inspired the other day.

While in a funk I was watching a Real World: San Diego marathon on my pvr, and got inspired by Nate on there making a website about suicide awareness and it pumped me up. I decided to make a site about all the different causes/charities/passions that fire me up. I have so many passions and I feel like I haven't been doing my part as the kid in my family that's gonna change the world. That's how my mom describes me out of the four of us :) but I've been lazy and not doing anything with human or animal rights. So I've been working on that for the past four or five days probably. I've spent hours already. Most nights I've been up until 3am working on it, and then getting up at 6 or 7 for work the following mornings, and working on it when I can during the day, and all night again. I won't be publishing it til I'm completely happy with all the info but for anyone interested...

It'll have info, links, how I got into each thing, where you can donate, where you can volunteer, where you can get help, how you can spread awareness, petitions, etc. It will be a collection of issues I feel are important and it's my attempt to bring awareness to each one, help one person, and help change the world together, a little at a time.

Topics that I'm covering (these aren't the only important things out there, they're just near and dear to me so I'm going to try to do my part):

- human rights - equality, accessibility
- disabilities, diseases (cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc), disorders (including mental health, bipolar disorder, etc)
- animal rights - animal testing, animals for entertainment, veganism, vegetarianism, furs/skins)
- self-injury/suicide
- environment/going green
- lgbt
- individualism/body modifications - not being judged

Anyone, off to work on that while watching cupcake wars :) Please let me know if there's any important cause that you think I should include, if you like this idea, and if you want the link when it's up :)

Have a great night!
Tee

Excited...

I'm so lucky.

I'm very happy right now.

I have amazing friends, I have the best boyfriend in the entire world, I have a great family, and I have several jobs that I love.

I'm very excited to see RR and AW next month.

I'm sooooooo stoked for halloween to be a police car/police officer/bad guy with Ryan.

I'm excited that I get to hang out with A tomorrow after he's done work.

I'm excited to go out for date night with A this weekend even though he doesn't know we are. :)

I'm excited about the xmas gifts I'm making for people for xmas this year.

I'm excited about making zombie cupcakes for our halloween party in two weeks.

-Tee

I turn green!

One more day until I go to my cottage :)

Yay me!!

I'm very excited to be going for the first time this year, probably the last time this year as well. A has obviously never been so I'm happy he's coming, and TB is coming for the second time which I'm glad about. My cottage is my favourite place to relax at and I love it so I'm looking forward to spending time with A, TB, and Boog there. Boog loves it there too so he's super excited to go. He's also excited that it's A's first time in our boat. He helps Fluff drive the boat so he's already told me he'll drive A to the cottage for his first trip. LoL. What a kid. I have to get some last minute stuff tomorrow and pick up TB and A so I'm going to take the girls with me because they both want to see TB's apartment really bad, and they both want to see A's sister's horses. So busy day tomorrow getting stuff, picking my boys up, dropping the girls off when I'm done work, and heading home to pack and help my mother finish getting everything together and in the van. We're stopping in Belleville to pick up some headbands for Turtle from AW and we have to exchange money and Avon. A drug deal of sorts without the drug part.

Saw AW and RR last weekend. :) Had a great time there. RR and JR showed me pictures of their first house that they just purchased. I'm so excited for them and so jealous at the same time. I want my own house so so bad. My time will come. Just gotta keep saving and hope my car doesn't break too badly and not spend money, and try to earn more money :)

Anywho, back to doing extra work around here for the girls' mama. I've been trying to help her with more than day to day tidying that comes with being a nanny. I've moved into attacking a GIANT, and I meant GINORMOUS prickle weed thing in the back yard. I mean I pulled it out pretty easily, since I'm practically the Hulk. By easily of course I mean I was sweating to death and pricking my fingers through the gloves and swearing and cutting the weed that was seriously about 7 feet tall into tiny pieces. Finally I got to the base of it and tried to yank it out and it took me a full 5 minutes just for that. I tried to dig it out with a shovel but it was half under her deck so I had to pull it back and forth and do a little dance and eventually got it out. HUGE roots of course. Bastard weed! But anyway, got that done, been cleaning the basement, taking the leaf bag that got left out in the rain a billion times and fell apart and putting that into a new leaf bag which was gross due to a gazillion bugs. Got that into the shed so it doesn't happen again. Started putting renovation garbage into a couple bins for the dump. Cleaned the windows, dusted a bunch, vacuumed, etc. So I've been slightly busy trying to help get the house ready to sell!

So now I must get back to that. I brough A's seasons of the Buffy spinoff Angel to watch on this trusty laptop to watch while I fold a bunch of laundry and clean the laundry room and dungeon that I sleep in here :)

Have a lovely afternoon my pretties! :)

From the land of dryer-lint and dust bunnies,
-Tee

chirp chirp

I just finished watching Soul Surfer.

Good grief.

I cry at everything, whether it's a book, or a tv show, or a movie. If people tell me to stop watching or reading, I say no because it means I'm invested and enjoying it. I'll cry if it's sad or happy. I'm brutal!

So naturally, me watching Soul Surfer was guaranteed to involve tears. When I told A. I was watching it, he responded with "you would watch that" which is either a dig at me loving movies I know in advance are going to make me cry, or a dig at me watching "girly" movies. Whatever, he watched cartoons so pfft! :)

I really, really enjoyed Soul Surfer. I did cry quite a bit, and it definitely had sad parts, but it was SO inspiring. I really love movies that make me think about life, and what's important. There's nothing like watching a girl lose her arm, and still follow her dream to make you feel like a lazy ass! :)

So I'm jumping into gear tonight and getting shit done quicker at work tonight and tomorrow, and I've been writing a bit, and I'm going to work out soon and try to make a routine for what I'm going to do for my fitness plan. I've also been keeping up with twitter the past two days :) GO ME!

Hope you all have a fantastic night. I'll be watching Teen Mom while getting things done :) Which I know a couple of you will have already done tonight :) off to check my phone for a million twitter texts....

tweet, tweet
-Tee

I do love me some gay bar b-day festivities!

I just noticed my 3 Best Friends post and got ticked.
Update: that week I saw neither AW nor RR. Stupid car would be the culprit behind that. I am supposed to see them this coming Friday though. Fingers crossed. Saw TB a few times in the past two weeks. His birthday party this past Friday was beyond awesome! Two words: DRAG SHOW!

A-MAZ-ING.

Hugs & Kisses, Guys & Glitter
-Tee

So happy together...

I've started writing recently about things that make me happy, and how I want to spend more time doing those things, spending time with those people, and exploring what other things in life make me happy. I've also realized that I've been happier in the last few months and want to continue on with that. I've been working on it for the past week or so. It's getting fairly long and in-depth and I very much enjoy writing about the things that make me happy. It makes me appreciate the things I love about my life. It reminds me of the journal I bought that goes along with the book The Secret. Which by the way, is a good book that I like and try to practice but I'm terrible with things like that. I need to work on that more. So you should go look up that book. I believe it's a documentary or something too... so go now... find our what it's about!

So I was just sitting here thinking I wanted to write some more on that and realized I should write some of that on my blog. So I might copy and paste some of it, or start writing it here instead of just in a document on my computer. I'm not sure yet what I'll do about that.

Also I started reading a new blog that my mom really likes. It's a whole website by this mom that has recipes and photography and a blog and other crap on it. I finally just went on it and she had tips for blogging that said blog everyday, even if only a little. I'm going to try to work on that!!

That's it for now, kids.

Muah!
-Tee

3 Best Friends in 1 Week = Happy Tee

I'm so excited for the coming week :)

I'm doing my 48 hour stretch of work right now and I finish tomorrow at 1:30pm. After that I'm going home so Fluff can fix my brakes on Norton. Then I'm going to drive to Bellville to hang out with AW and........... RR!!!!!! Yay! I'm so stoked to hang out with my besties!

AW and I are gonna have dinner with RR in Trenton, then me and her are gonna hang out Sunday too. Sunday when I leave I'm going to A's place to bring his mama a coffee and hang out there :) Then Monday A and I will hang out. Tuesday I have to work an extra day shift. Then.......

Wednesday!! Wednesday I get to see TB. I saw him the other day cause he msged me at 10:30pm and said we needed to hang out asap cause he needed to talk so I drove to pick him up and we spent two hours in Tim Horton's talking boys, our lives lately, his birthday, etc. So... his birthday. He turns 23 in a couple weeks. We're having a toga party so we're gonna go shopping to get fabric and belts and accessories, etc. I'm so excited to spend a day shopping with him. :D

So I get to see all three of my best friends in one week which never happens anymore :) It makes me sad that it's such a rare thing to hang out with any of them, let alone all three in a few days. But I'm very, very excited!!

Now on to doing Avon work :)

Happy Friday!

-Tee

Happy Sigh. I F***ing Love Camping. :)

I'm really glad I'm going camping this weekend.

I need the break I think. I need to be not in a city and not surrounded by all the crap of the day-to-day grind. I can't wait to just read a book on the beach, or spend hours swimming. I can't wait to play catch with my dad, and badminton, and soccer. I can't wait to play cards, and board games. I can't wait to hang out by a fire with my parents, my stepsister and her friend, and A. I can't wait for vegan s'mores. :)

I can't wait to go on walks and just be outside non-stop.

I started my shift this afternoon and I work til Thursday afternoon for my overnights, and I hope they fly by because I can't wait until afterwork Thursday when I go get a table from my sister's tattoo studio (http://www.forevermoretattoos.com shameless plug!) and go get my camping groceries. I have to babysit my other little buddy Thursday night and then when I get home, I'm going through my camping stuff to make sure I have everything I need!

Friday means last minute laundry, then packing my clothes, outdoor rec stuff, chairs, tent, and everything I'll need into my car. :) My dad got me this wicked camping set for my college graduation present. It's an awesome tent, nice and big, with two camping chairs, two sleeping bags, and a mini tent to store little things in your tent, and that all fits in this ones carrying bag that's on wheels so it's super handy. :) So then I'm making homemade vegan bugers and vegan marshmallows, and getting my food ready Friday afternoon. Then hitting the beer store to return my brother and his friends' empties from our Saturday night get together to use their money at the liquor store for my camping beverages. Bahahaha. :)

Anyway, I'm just so excited to relax, and play, and have fun. :) I effing love camping.

-Tee

Sister talk

I spent so much time last night talking to TH and MM and TH asked me to be a girl for a sec and gush about A. I have a hard time doing that. I can do it in my blog or to A but i have a difficult time doing it to others 'cause I got used to telling nobody anything about my ex because it was always bad so i stopped so now telling good things is hard too. TH had to ask me specific questions she was curious about cause i didn't know what to say. So she asked me if i think it's a long term thing and i said yes and she asked why and i told her how well we click and that we're able to talk and we have similar viewpoints on things that are important to me and just that we connect so well and he treats me so good. :)

Time vs Money

I love working. Sooo, so much. I love being a nanny to the girls. I love my boss, she's easy to talk to.. we get along great, and she's laidback and nice. I love watching S when I get a chance too, even though he's cheekier these days :) I love doing respite relief with Boog. I enjoy selling Avon and Regal. I am liking my new respite job, but not sure I click with the family and the person I'm supporting enough to do it long-term. But I love working. The more downtime I have, the more I wish I was working. The only problem with how much I work, is how little time I have to go to Belleville to visit the W's. And that A and I have to work hanging out around when I work different things. And I haven't had a chance to see TB in forever!! And when I do have time off I try to go to see Faja. And then of course if I have time, I have no money and if I have money, I have no time. So getting to Belleville or Burlington or Aaron's can be tricky when gas is pricey these days.

I haven't got to see AW in ages, I haven't seen TB in ages, and I haven't see RR in ages but she lives crazy far so that's more understandable. :) I'm glad that RR is moving back because I'm hoping I'll be able to find some time to go visit her and AW at the same time. Also looking forward to a few roadtrips with AW and the boys to go visit RR and JR when they buy a new house in Ontario when they move back. It'll be a long road trip but fun I think for us to hang out on the way, and worth it when we arrive at RR and JR's new town. :)

I gotta start planning more time for people I don't get to see often! I'm gonna try people :)

-Tee

My Bestie

I'm so over the moon that RR and JR are moving back to Ontario. I'm beyond ecstatic that they'll be home again. Although they'll be living far away in the province it's just so nice to know it's driveable, and that we're further in the process of them being close to home again. :)

I miss them both so much. Not being able to see RR as much as when we were in school together, and even after we finished, has been difficult for the last two years. I'm so glad my bestie will be back!

Difficult Situation

Let me start this by saying I'm trying to respect confidentiality with this person so I'm trying to not give any details.

I've recently begun a new respite job with a person with a disability I've not had experience with. It's been challenging so far but it's been interesting to get experience with another disability. Not that I believe that all people with a disability are the same, far from it... but I just have never supported someone with this particular disability. I've met other people that have it, but I've never been in a supporting role with anyone affected by it.

I've had to face decisions and situations and circumstances that I never considered. I've had to problem solve on the spot quite a few times in various dilemmas. But so far I think I've done a good job with my common sense, what I learned in college, and with what I've learned in life thus far.

I've wrestled with my values and beliefs in what I think is right and wrong. I've struggled with my thoughts on a person's rights, and on restraining, and how to protect my own safety. It's been a tricky job so far.

The family of the person I'm supporting is making things a bit more complicated for me and they are making me not want to continue on in this job. They have asked me to do a couple favours that don't show respect for my role in their lives. I'm there to support their family member in community outings and to provide respite relief for them, not to do chores and errands for them on my way to their house. That has been frustrating and quite frankly offensive to my job, and annoying.

That's all for now I think.

ENGAGED!

Not me! Don't worry!

My brother MM took TH to Cuba a few weeks ago and proposed to her on the beach on May 25th with the ring I'd been hiding for him for a couple months :) Giving him the ring back before he left was tricky with her in the basement with us. There were some sneaky shananigans right under her nose! :)

They'll be getting married next year and I'm sooooooooooo happy and excited for them. That means wedding shower! Since they moved in last year I've gotten closer to them and gotten to see their relationship and I'm so happy for them. They're disgustingly adorable. :)

So yeah, so exciting :)

Tuesday Thoughts

I can't wait until I buy my first house. I'm hoping that will happen in the next five years. Lately I've been thinking about what kind of house I want and how much I want to get my own place. I miss having my own place.

My ideal world right now would be buying a tiny, crappy house with somewhat of a yard for Veronica and slowly fixing it up and hanging out with Veronica in our tiny house together.

I moved home after college to pay my student loans off quicker because my parents don't want me struggling to pay rent and my loan when they have room for me. They hate the concept of renting so they want me home to save for a house. And that's exactly what I want too. So while I'm paying almost double my loan payments, I'm putting chunks away here and there in my savings for eventually buying a house. I don't care how crappy or tiny really. As long as it's mine. :) I don't need anything big for now so I'll work my way up the real estate ladder and get a tiny one and fix it up and sell it down the road when I'm in my 30s and need a bigger one. This is my plan anyway.

As I continue my relationship with A I look forward to one day living with him. I look forward to cooking and baking and making a mess of our kitchen. I look forward to watching movies in our living room. I can't wait to barbeque in our backyard. I can't wait to have friend over to play games. I look forward to making a home together one day.

I'm a huge kitchen nerd. I can't wait to have a kitchen be all mine again. I want to get my dishes out I never got to use. And my pots and pans that I LOVE! And my Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer that my mom and stepdad got me... I LOVE LOVE LOVE that thing!! I want to use my skull oven mitts, and my funny glasses that my stepmom got me. I can't wait to make chocolate peanut butter squares and giant cupcakes and broccoli soup all the time like I used to for my friends in college. I can't wait to cook all the time like I used to. I miss all of that. :)

Anyway, A's been bugging me to get back on my blog and I remembered so I thought I'd blog what I was sitting here thinking about at work. :) I'm trying to remember to do it more.

Tee

Ugh!

I just spent half an hour writing a post and blogspot is being dumb and it didn't save or post. FML.

just the way you are...

I wonder how I went so long not knowing A. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. I love spending time with him and I love that if we're out or if we're at one of our houses doing nothing I still enjoy the time with him. I partly feel like I wasted time with other people when he was out there, but my decisions and experiences have brought me where I am today so I suppose I wouldn't have met him otherwise.

I love being with him, I miss him when we're apart, and I look forward to the next time I'll see him.

We do a lot for each other and we make a good team I think.

I finally found someone who gives me what I'm looking for. He makes me smile so many times a day, even when I don't see him. He texts me randomly throughout the day saying such sweet things. I feel so lucky to be with him, and I know he feels the same. :)

I am so in love.

-Tee

Nokia N8...Oh How I Love You

	So I've had to deal with a broken phone for over a month. I got it a year ago and had a bunch of problems with it since I got it but dealt with it. Of course when it finally breaks for good it's just outside of my warranty and they essentially say I'm screwed. But there's a different phone I want so it's all good. But then I can't get that phone for the sale price. Uhh... Pain in the ass much? Finally my mother manager to argue her way into me getting the phone I want. And I love it! It's a Nokia N8. It's a smartphone so I had to get a data plan and get rid of the internet I already had on my phone and change my plan. So now I really like my plan and love my phone. :) I can finally listen to music again and wake up to a song as my alarm and have a phone that actually rings! Lol.

Alberta-Bound

It would appear that I did not post my blog about Calgary.

DUH!!!!!

So sorry folks. I am the worst bestie ever!!

Here goes:

I finished work on the 8th of March at 130pm. I had a brutal sore throat for three days. I picked up A to hang out before I left for almost a week. We hung out at my place and I tried to relax since I was sick. Eventually he came with me to the walk in clinic and I got expensive!! drugs for my throat.

I hung out with him that night and dropped him off at his place late that night. I was gonna miss him but I was sooooo excited to see RR and JR. I went home and texted A while I packed some stuff.

The next morning I took the train to Faja's house and he picked me up at the station. Two hours of travel to get there. I was at his place for a couple hours and during that time I transferred my stuff from my duffel bag to Faja's suitcase. I went online and picked my seat (17F) and checked in. We left shortly after and drove half an hour to Hamilton's airport. I checked my bag and my dad and I got Tim Hortons while we waited a bit. With an hour til I started to board I decided to go through security since I was nervous about it because I never had before. Got through there fairly uneventfully. Waited for an hour then started to board.

Showed the girl my license and my boarding pass. Walked outside to the ramp. Up the ramp to the plane. Showed the flight attendant my boarding pass and she vaguely pointed. Walked down the aisle, found my seat, got stuff I wanted out of my PeTA bag, and threw my bag in the overhead thing. Sat down and put my seatbelt on. Played with the tv a bit. Waited forever and ever.

Then we started driving down the runway slow-ish. I drive faster. Then we turned around and started going back up the runway. Fast. Faster. And up.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Best feeling ever! It's so awesome. The butterflies in my stomach were going nutso with the lift-off. It was a cool thing to be on my first plane ride by myself. I felt so brave :)

Then a million years later we started to go down and we landed. I was SOOOOO excited. I txted my facebook status to let ppl know I made it safe and I gathered my stuff, walked off the plane, on a ramp, into the airport.

I was there!

I saw a sign that said baggage and just kept following those signs. Eventually I went down an escalator and through automatic doors.... and there they were.

MY BESTIE AND HER HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was sooooooooooo excited to see them. I hugged RR and JR and they gave me my favourite frap from Starbucks that they had brought me. Yum-o and so sweet :)

JR grabbed my bag and we went to the car. We drove to their house and I finally got to see where they live. I walked around their house taking pictures of me in their house. :) We had some food and played rockband and eventually went to bed.

Next morning I woke up wayyyyy too early. Early for Alberta time and early for Ontario time so it sucked balls!!

R and J had to work that day so I washed dishes, played rockband, and entertained myself for the day while was nice. :) R picked me up after work and we went to get J. We played rock band, had dinner, and hung out that night I think.

Friday R had off but J worked. I can't remember if that's the day we went shopping. Yeah, I think it was. We went to two malls. I bought extensions, we got lunch, we chatted about boys :) we went to another mall.

Oh my gosh. I heart this mall. They had Sephora, MAC, Teaopia, Lush, and so many other amazing stores. I got a cropped, off the shoulder top to wear over tanks that says "I (heart) my bf" and we got some exfoliation done at Lush. We  tried a bunch of makeup at Sephora on our hands. We walked the entire mall, got some ice cream and left. It took us quite a while :)

We got back too late to cook for our husband like good wifeys so we went to pick him up and made dinner when we got back I think. I think we went bowling that night. If so, we went to this sketchy bowling place that was hard to find. We got pizza and it was delish! We played two and a half games. I won them all!!! Just kidding. I like to think we all won in our own way! lol.

Saturday we made a cake. And ate it. The whole thing. So delish! I think we went to the general store this day. I got some cool stuff. We had a girls night and watched House Bunny and did face masks :) And we crocheted!! We're hard core!

Sunday we worked on headbands during the day. Josh should've napped but didn't. We went to dinner at a vegetarian/vegan/raw restaurant and had the best dinner ever. We both LOVED being able to go somewhere and not disect the menu for "safe" stuff for us to eat. It was incredible!! R had a calzone and I had a quesidilla. It was soooo good! We did my photoshoot that night. It took us a couple hours but I love the pictures. They were awesome!! R is such a great photographer! :)

Monday. Time to go home. :( R drove me to the airport super early! I don't wish to discuss this part cause it bums me out.

I'm sure I left stuff out but as I remember I'll add in. I had a great time with my best friends :) I love hanging out with both of them and it was such a great week. I was excited to go, sad to leave, and missed waking up in my room there when I got back. :(

I get to see RR in a few weeks when she comes to visit but I'll only see her one day and it's not the same. Boo! I hope to go there again before she moves back because I not only enjoyed spending lots of time with her and J, but I loved their town and Calgary.

I miss it so much. I miss them so much.

Love you guys!!

Fuck You

Yet again that fucking moron that is dating my ex messages me.

FUCK OFF!!!!

Oh my gosh. Get a fucking life. Seriously.... why on earth do you not have anything better to do than bug me. Pick up a fucking book, turn on the tv, go for a walk. Find. A. Fucking. Hobby.

Cause You're Amazing, Just The Way You Are

I cannot remember the last time I felt this happy in a relationship.

I've never felt like someone was so right for me. I talked to RR when I visited her last month about how it's so surprising and odd for me to hear A compliment me so much, so often, so sweetly. She said she was so happy for me that I finally have that, but that she was sad for me that it wasn't the norm, and that I found it strange.

That led me to thinking about how little I got that in the past. I'm not saying that any of my past relationships were douchebags or anything. Well... no we'll just leave it at that. But I was never treated as well as A treats me. Normally my bitch side comes out in a relationship. Or I walk all over the person. When you don't have that connection, or you don't feel they care about you it's easy to do that.

I worried with A being such a sweet, kind person, that I'd bring out the bitch, or walk all over him and I don't think I have. I've warned him about it but he just keeps saying that I'm not like that with him. Which is so bizarre for me. He's just so sweet and I don't want to be like that to him.

I'm so crazily happy these days. I miss him when I'm not with him. As soon as I leave, I can't wait to be with him again. I want to spend all my time with him just being with him, getting to know him better, and sharing who I am with him. I want him in my day-to-day, I want him in my life.

I think I may have been corrected on my disbelief in love at first sight.

Truly Madly Deeply

Hanging out with someone for a few hours here and there is ENTIRELY different than living with someone. I know this. I've lived with many different people. Some I enjoyed living with, others I wanted to strangle. I won't differentiate which was which.

Spending a weekend with someone... like 24 hours a day/all weekend with someone is different than living with them or hanging out for a few hours.

I think spending a full weekend with someone is a bit of a sneakpeek of what living with them might entail. You see how late they stay up, how late they sleep in, if they prefer showering at night or during the day. You find out how and what they like to eat, what they prefer to drink, how many times they pause a movie to pee or smoke. You find out what small things annoy them, and what little things they do that may annoy you. You get a look at their day to day quirks. You see how helpful they can be.

I got this sneakpeek with A this weekend. My parents went away so he came to keep me company/help me take care of the dogs and Boog. He cam more just to hang out/spend time with me I guess. It was nice being able to hang out and do nothing. MM took us to Walmart because Boog wanted to get a new movie with birthday money and A bought Avator and Eclipse so we watched the first half of Avatar and then Eclipse once Boog went to bed. I fell asleep during Eclipse since I was wiped and I've seen it before.

We hung out for a bit in the hot tub to try to help my ankle that has been hurting off and on for a month. Ugh! I made A and Boog pancakes for breakfast but neither of them liked them so that sucked. I made broccoli and cheddar soup, chicken, and mashed potatoes for dinner. MM and TH are always appreciative when I cook when the parents are gone. TH actually requested the soup when she found out the parents were leaving and I'd be cooking. :)

We watched Paranormal Activity. A is uneasy in my house because he feels like there's something in it, and more than one. I feel safer in that house than I have any others I've ever been in so I assumed my uncle was the spirit in it because I feel secure there but maybe not. I've always felt something there but I never thought there might be more than one. Hmm.

I'm glad I got to spend the weekend with him so I could learn little things about him.

I found out how he likes his eggs, that he likes coffee to be made disgustingly, and that he compliments my makeup after watching me put it on. I found out that he likes to skip to a new song before the one he's listening to is on, which I tend to do. I found out he likes to watch silly videos online. I found out that even when spending 24 hours a day with me, he still compliments me all of the time. I found out he prefers to sleep against a wall which is tricky since I do too. I found out he's a little too sensitive and I worry how he'll take my dad's joking. I found out he can be a little snappy when annoyed. I found out that he asks me what's wrong as soon as my mood changes, before I've said a word...  he's very good at sensing mood shifts. I found out he apologizes when he realizes he's hurt my feelings. I found out I care about him more today than I did yesterday, and I will tomorrow more than today.

Grinding My Gears

Wanna know what I love?
My sarcasm.

Wanna know what else I love?
Having to windex picture frames/glass because they reek of nicotine and feel disgusting as a result of said nicotine. Fifty million papertowels and my vegan/animal cruelty free mint glass cleaner later... they're better.

But ugh. Which makes me not such a fan of A being a smoker too. But at least at his mom's he smokes outside.

I've gotten rid of most stuff left over anywhere from other people. Went through my scrapbook/sketchbook now that I got that back and I've gone through and ripped out pages and removed pictures. Ahhh. How cathartic. :)

You Treat Me Like I'm A Princess

"Head Over Feet"

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault


I love how there's always a song that seems to totally "get" your life or situation you're currently in.
This song totally sums up everything I'm feeling right now.

I keep wanting to text him, call him, see him, write about him, etc. I'm dying to paint or draw right now too. It's been so insanely long since I've been this inspired to write, draw, or paint. He inspires me so much! And everytime I hear him say something nice about me, I start to believe it more and more.

Everytime I can see him looking at me as I drive out of the corner of my eye, it makes me smile and I realize that I am beautiful to someone. Not just my family, or my 3 best friends, but this person who hasn't known me that long genuinely thinks I'm beautiful. It's such an incredible feeling.

And I feel so special that I'm cared about so much and I'm beautiful to someone that is so incredible, that's so wonderful, someone who is such a great person, someone that I find so incredibly attractive both outside and in.

Sigh of contentment and wonder.

-Tee

And Don't Be Alarmed If I Fall Head Over Feet...

I made of pof account. 3 or 4 people im'd me that evening. Some smart, cool guy who stopped talking after half an hour so whatever. A SUPER annoying 33 year old who made me want to off myself or him. And then A.

Sigh.

I. Freaking. Adore. A.

He's so unbelievably sweet o me. I smile when I think about him. He's clearly crazy about me. We click. There's not doubt in if he likes me or not. He's so adorable. He is a bit too insecure, and for no bloody reason! We like a lot of the same movies. He loves metal which I like. It's been so long since I listened to it regularly. My mom seems to like him. He gets along with MM and TH. Veronica likes him. Boog already remembers his name and it's a tricky one for him. Boog thinks A is "berry cool" and let A help lift him.

I'm just so happy.

A and I started talking on the 25th for 12 hours straight, all throught the night. The next few days was similar. Talked all day long. On the 28th we met for our first date and it was perfect. The next day we hung out together for over 12 hours. The next day was similar again. The day after that I went to Toronto with TB for birthday hang outs - dinner and a wicked dance/acting/music show. :) I worked the next two days, but on the second day shift, I went to A's mom's house after work and we hung out and I ended up getting snowed in and staying over. He asked me to be his girlfriend that night. :) I went to work the next day for my two overnights and picked A up after I finished work. We hung out since I was leaving for my trip to go to Alberta the next day. He went with me to the walk in clinic since I had symptoms of strep throat. I had a fever and was freezing so in the waiting room A held my hands to warm them up, and hugged me to keep me warm. He went into the appointment with me after asking if I'd like him to which was so sweet. I'm glad he came with me since I don't like doctors/hospitals and especially not going alone.

So moral of the story is I'm so into A. Our first date was quirky and fun. :) Go to the button at the top of the page to read how our first date went. :)

Old Post... Wrote It Down but Never Posted

I don't understand how if you can supposedly love someone, you can treat them so awfully and talk to them with so much disrespect. All the times that I'm the one who has to initiate calls, texts, messages, visits, and I get sworn at, yelled at, and disrespected because I'm not able to talk on the phone at certain situations. I am baffled that conversation happened as it did. I was completely freaked out on and out of nowhere. And trying to be calm and not hang up was impossibly hard. Maybe I should have hung up. And if I had've hung up he probably wouldn't talk to me ever again. Which is why I didn't. But it seems unfair that I have to be subjected to that disrespect and hatred because if I hang up, I turn into the bad person.

Another post:

Sometimes I wish i stayed in Belleville. At least I knew a few people. It's especially frustrating that I'm single but can't date. But I don't know how much longer I intend to do that. Sometimes I wish M was still at the bank. It was nice having someone want to talk to me. Now I only get someone "missing" me when they're cold. Gee, thanks! It's frustrating being in this attached/unattached limbo and feeling insecure and unsure while he's hanging out with girls constantly. He has friends, he "has" me, so why does he feel the need to constantly add new girls onlline. And now that I've stopped being so open with who's calling and texting me he asks who is just as much if not more than me. he's so hypocritical about how we act. He always blames me, says I'm worse, says I'm jealous and nosey, but when he is... it's totally okay. I'm sick of the hypocritical double standards of this fucked up mess. And I'm sick of the bullshit of R, L, K, and whoever the fuck is next. I'm sick of the crying, sleepless nights, stress, anger, hurt, and insecurity. I'm still dealing with all of this bullshit and I'm not even in a committed relationship. Done with the lying, done with the crap. Which is why he's paying attention, starting to notice my pulling away, my detachment from this "situation" and now he's putting effort in. After two years of shit, I've learned the only time he checks in is when I check out. I'm sick of joining in again once he finally gets around to being apart of this thing. Not gonna happen much longer. Fuck I wish I didn't still care about him. But it's definitely fading. Which is probably the best for me and my heart. He says he loves me but if he does, why doesn't he treat me like I deserve to be treated? Am I such an awful person that I don't deserve to be treated like a princess?

Another post:

On Friday, February 25th, I finally had enough. B fucked our hang out plans because to wanted to go "have fun" and "honestly you'll be jealous if you're there or not" - uhhhhh, fuck you then. I said find and that I wished he hadn't have wasted my time. Don't say you want to date me if you don't actually want to. He said fine we won't date then. Yeah, no fucking shit! I pretty much knew he was gonna ditch me that day he finally made a decision or the day before. Icing on the cake was when I asked him a question and he said he wasn't talking about it anymore or he'd stop talking entirely (oh no, what a shame) and then said "btw, I'm going to college in Kingston anyway." Where the fuck did that come from/why do I care? So I asked where that came from. Response: "what part of I'm done talking about this didn't you get?" Ex-fuckin-cuse me?? Yeah, then end.

Perma-Smile :)

I am so happy right now.

Nothing has ever been this easy, this simple. The connection is crazy... the similarities are quirky and cute... and the effort is non-existant. It just fits.

I'm so ready for something this fun, simple, amazing. Why on earth did I settle for so long?

(Insert happy sigh here)

-Tee

So Fucking Sick Of This Shit

Don't you think that when you break up with someone... three years later they and their girlfriend should maybe stop messaging you, harrassing you, and being fucked up douchebags in general. I would think so. I'm getting so unbelievably tired of the bullshit. I've blocked them from facebook, msn, and now apparently youtube. Grow the fuck up! I don't understand why after three years, their life would be so awful that you need to obsess with trying to make mine hell. It's annoying as fuck. And of course I don't want to ask mutual friends why the fuck they're doing this because I don't want to involve them as I tried my damn hardest when I broke up with him to not ever say anything bad to mutual friends. And I think I've succeeded. Anyway the latest just pissed me off and I needed to vent...

UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

-Tee

Weekend :)

I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I was up all night last night. Haven't pulled an all nighter in a while and it wiped me out. But it was worth it for the conversation that caused it. :)

So tomorrow is Boog's swimming party and our birthday dinner. I'm working til 130pm so I'll take K and S to K's skating lesson, and then I'll be dropping S off and taking K with me to Boog's swimming party where Bumblebee will be which is awesome since we haven't got to hang with him in forever!

After swimming we'll go back to our house and Bumblebee is getting picked up. Then we'll have our family birthday dinner and such and I'll take K home.

The next day I'm getting my hair done by Tree. So excited to have it bleached out again :) Insert cringes and bitching here for all my family and friends that find it a crime against humanity to dye naturally red hair... let alone BLEACH IT!! Yeah yeah, if it was your hair, you'd get bored of it too.

After that I'm gonna go home or book my trip to go see RR!!!!!!!!!!!! More on that some other time.
If I don't have time Monday I'll do that Tuesday. Then I'm gonna get Boog of the bus and hang with him for a bit.

In the evening I'm going to Tim Hortons with A. I'm excited for it.. I love steeped tea. I wish there was a teaopia that was freestanding and not in the mall. :(

I'm falling asleep so I'll have to write another post a little better tomorrow at some point. Night kids.

-Tee

For Eff Sakes

Fuck!!! Some people are so infuriating, frustrating, and such douchebags. That is all.

Third time was not the charm and I'm glad to be done.

Tomorrow is a new day and I fully intend to embrace that.

It's My Birthday @ I'll cry/bitch/moan If I Want To!

I'm officially 23 today. :) I got lots of nice birthday wishes from some of the people most important to me which was nice.
I'm going skating in an hour with a friend of mine and then swimming and the mall later :)
Have a great family day weekend guys.
-Tee

Exercise on my bday weekend

Quick post...
Birthday dinner: spaghetti, garlic bread, salad, ice cream cake
Presents: $60 for my trip, $20 HBC gift card, notebooks, photo album

Mega exercise today: half hour in work out room - bike, rower, all in one strength trainer
half hour jillian michaels wii game
fifteen minutes michael jackson game
five - ten minutes just dance game
half hour swimming laps in pool

The Number 23

Might blog more later but just wanted to say that I'm in Burlington until Monday for my birthday/my dad's birthday weekend. I didn't bring my laptop so I'll just be emailing my blogs in from my celly. I'll let you guys know what I do tomorrow for my second birthday.

I had my first batch of birthday last weekend with The Ws. I suppose the movie with B was sorta celebrating my birthday too. Now this weekend I'll celebrate with my dad's family. Then next weekend I'm celebrating mine and Ryan's birthdays with my mom's family.

Go-train ride with Wee-ah was entertaining since I found out amusing info from her and I watched a bunch of people miss trains while I waited for her. Which isn't nice but whatever... Also people running in suits and heels (and I mean sprinting) is kind of entertaining.

The end.

-Tee

Hoarders, The #23, Kids, Respite, Volunteering, Cliches....

I'm attempting to work on my hoarding. I managed to wake up at a decent time today and went through an entire box of paperwork and filed a quarter of it, have to file another quarter of it, and recycled the other half. Yay me!

I'm getting so much better at throwing stuff out or donating stuff. I've taken sooo much to value village in the past year. I keep EVERYTHING so I'm trying to go through everything I own and assess what I need, love, want, don't need, etc.

I've gotten rid of a lot of things people gave me that I felt obligated to keep. I got a book on how to go through clutter and make your home tidy and organized.

Which is what I want. I want my basement to be tidy and clean and pretty. I'm working on it. I've painted 90% of it and only have a few sections of wall left in my office and "kitchenette" to do. I've weeded out a bunch of knick knacks except for ones I absolutely love... But I'm going to spraypaint them all the same accent colour to make it all more cohesive. I'll have to take before and after pics. I took pictures a while ago as before ones.

Anyway so I brought some more paperwork and my filing system to work to work on finishing later wen the girls go to bed. I even went throught my files and got rid of unnessary or old ones. :) progress!

I'm wanting to get my life tidied up as I enter a new year of my life. I'm a little overwhelmed by turning twenty three this weekend because that was how old my dad was when he had me so I feel weird, old, like I've done nothing in life. I wonder how old I'll be before I start adopting. Hmm. No worries kids.. Being the age my dad was when I was born gives me NO desire to have any kids anytime soon. Lol.

I did decide I want to volunteer at an animal shelter and start doing more animal rights stuff. I've gotten out of animal rights stuff and I feel like I'm doing nothing right now. I'm not giving back and trying to improve the world... Been too lazy and I'm not happy with myself. I love the feeling of trying to improve the world or better people's lives. I feel more myself when I do... And like I have purpose in my life. Wowwww.... Cliche!!

I'm also going to look for a respite job for the side to give me more experince that's required on my resume to apply to university in a few years.

Oatmeal

I've recently become addicted to oatmeal. I got this recipe from a girl's youtube channel and my mom and I both really like it. We've altered the sweetener and such, but it's the same general idea.

Instant rolled oats
Peanut butter
Brown sugar/sweetener/Splenda Brown Sugar/whatever you want
Chocolate protein powder/cocoa powder and vanilla protein powder

YUM! I have it everyday to give me some extra protein for breakfast so I stop skipping it which does NOT help lose weight. My mom really likes it too. B and I had it as his house and he liked it but didn't want the protein powder... so naturally when he turned to talk to his grandfather I put it in. Bahahaha. At least his grandfather laughed. :)

AW is crazy and thought I was gross for eating it. Lol. Granted I used her instant oatmeal that was flavoured packs which just makes it tastier. And I used chocolate syrup since I didn't bring cocoa powder. But it was delicious all the same! And she was so grossed out by my "weird" breakfast. Even told her mom about it. But it's sooooooooo good! And good for you. You get protein from the powder and peanut butter. Essential fats from the peanut butter. Carbs, protein, fat, and deliciousness. Complete breakfast! :) So anyone that reads this should try it once (including AW!!) and tell me that it's delicious.

I have to take my car to Fluff's work in a while so he can fix something before my e-test. I have no idea what things on my car are called even when Fluff, Faja, B, and AW2 all mentioned stuff to me about my car this weekend. I hear mention of parts of a car and tune out. I know I should try to learn some stuff because it's MY car... but I'm lazy and uninterested and I know too many dudes that know how to fix stuff on cars so I don't really HAVE to learn.. therefore I don't. Shame on me! Poor Norton. Ah well, I shall have to leave him at Fluff's work so he can fix it and take it to get e-tested for me. Everyone CROSS YOUR FINGERS that I pass my e-test so I can renew my sticker before my birthday this weekend. I can't go without my car for any length of time. I've become so dependant on my independance due to Norton.

Anywho... think I shall watch the Bachelor with S before we go take Norton away.

-Tee

I won't be posting any further things about B. I seem to have the same issues that Jess had with friends vs man and I thought I could deal with it but as I've spent the evening feeling like I'm going to throw up and crying... Turns out I can't.

And Amb... In that post I didn't mean he guilted me into getting over it. I meant that I was trying to guilt trip him. I don't feel guilty about anything. And that's all I'm going to say right now about your comment. I need to take a bit to digest. It was rather intense. I don't hate you. I'm a little not so happy that you messaged him directly. I appreciate your honesty and I definitely don't hate you but I do see things in him you don't. And I'm not the only one doing dating-like things... He does too. Also I told him only once or twice that I was doing a blog because I was planning on using that as my venting about life and I didn't know if I wanted him or a few others I intend to vent about reading it so I didn't bug him numerous times about it. I don't want to go through your comment and rebuttal everything ad defend him so I'm gonna stop now. Just know that I hear what you're saying.

B - I appreciate that you read them and it's up to you if you continue. I doubt they'll say much about you. I'm not going to apologize for anything I said because it's my feelings and venting, and I'm glad you could see that and weren't bothered by my posts.

That's it for now.

-Tee

Dearest Blog... I'm sorry for neglecting you...

I totally forgot the past couple days that I even had a blog. Which is strangely humorous, since I go onto blogspot everyday to read my favourite blogs. :) Silly me!

So of course after working two days shifts and getting up at 5:30am both days, I... yet again... spent all day of my first night shift sleeping in before work at 1:30pm. So I accomplished nothing! I hate when I do that. I always let myself sleep in a bit on my first night shift, but Boog wanted me to to put him on the bus, so I set my alarm for 7:30am. Shut it off, and reset for 9:00am. Shut it off, and reset for 10:00am, 11:00am, noon. At noon I finally dragged my ass off my couch, as I fell asleep watching the food network :) and started to pack my bag for my overnights.

Since most people are confused by my work schedule, let me un-puzzle that for you...
I work for a nurse... so she has a nine-day schedule.
Day one: 6:15am - 7:30pm
Day two: 6:15am - 7:30pm
Day three: 1:30pm - midnight
Day four: midnight - midnight
Day five: midnight - 1:30pm

So I work day three straight through to day five. The kids sleep while I sleep so it's not as brutal as it sounds, lol. So yeah I packed my bag for my overnights and went to work. Before I left I called my sister and left her a voicemail telling her I'm a complete tool because I was supposed to go over and hang out with her and Turtle before work and I forgot due to my sleeping.

So I missed a chance to hang out with them which sucked since I missed Fluff and MM's birthday dinner last night because I was working so I rushed home after work, but of course BB, TB, and Turtle left as I got there. Sigh.

So I work from now until Wednesday afternoon. And then I get to go home and try to hopefully get some of the basement cleaned up. Then I get to pack and get ready for my weekend!! :) I'm really excited for my weekend.

Thursday monring I'm driving to Belleville to hang out with AW and scrapbook and such with her, perhaps help her take care of the kids and whatnot. Friday I get to hang out with her more and then at 2pm I'm going to pick up B from school and head over to my old roommates apartment to pick up TB's mail from when he lived with her last year. Haven't seen this old roommate since I moved out and we haven't spoken much since it happened so I'm nervous about it. I don't like what went down when we lived together so I'm not thrilled at that part. Then I might drag B with me to get some specific groceries for what I want to make this weekend. I might do that Saturday instead when we are back in Trenton but not sure. Anyway, so B and I will then have a birthday dinner with The Ws. :) It's AW and my birthdays on the 20th and 25th of this month so Maja will be sending a cake or cupcakes with me for us to have after our birthday dinner. :) (** sidenote: Maja and I have a home business of cake design ***SHAMELESS PLUG*** check us out on facebook > Sweet-Tooth Takes the Cake**) So I will be having dinner with The Ws AND B for the first time in a looooooong time. It would take a sorta long post to even begin to explain that, but regardless it's been since before B and I broke up so while I'm looking forward to having my birthday dinner be with a group of my favourite people... I'm hoping it's not too awkward for them to be together. Then after dinner, B and I will head back to Trenton to his house and I'll FINALLY get to see the sequel to 30 Days of Night. Yay me! Then on Saturday I think I'm gonna kick B's ass at Punch Out! and I'll work out with my Jillian Michaels Wii Game (ouch in advance). Then Saturday night we're going bowling for our Valentine's/my birthday date which I'm excited about since we've never gone bowling together and he goes with his friends and I get jealous that I've never gone with him. Which may seem silly but I'm silly. So before bowling we'll make dinner... which shall be vegetarian enchilladas and salad... yum-o! I'm excited for the weekend. Hanging out with AW and hanging out with B is generally a good weekend. Here's to hoping B isn't a tool and there's no arguments to muddle up my great expectations for the weekend.

Well I think I shall go paint tiny hearts on my Valentine's day mani and pedi I've been working on for a while now. French mani/pedi with little pink and red hearts :) I've managed to not bite my nails in about three weeks I think :) yay! That's all folks!

-Tee

Really...?

How hard is it to respond to a message? When someone has spent a really long time writing something heartfelt and important, and taken great care to try to put to paper/computer what's in their head and heart you could at least make an effort to say something in response.

Bah hum bug.

-Tee

"You're killing me, you're really killing me" - Daddy Daycare

I find it really grates on my nerves when people get mad at me for something and then turn around and the EXACT same thing. There's a few people that do this on a fairly regular basis and oh-my-goodness it drives me up the wall and across the ceiling!

But I should just let it go since I told said person what exactly bugged me and I'm trying to not hold on to stuff as long as I used to. I'm brutal for grudges and in the past few years I've gotten so much better at letting things go and attempting to forgive more easily. I still struggle with it, but with much improvement.

However, as much as I need to discuss what bothered me, I find when people aren't receptive to my honesty/explanations, and I get used to them being that way, I tend to shut down and only tell them the bare minimum and bottle it up.

Bottling it up has always been my style, and always to my detriment. In high school I greatly struggled with that and the results were not pleasant. It caused the worst fight I've ever had with LJ and I don't know that it was really as much of a fight with CW but I was furious at both of them. Which in hindsight was dumb of me. I told LJ that I was hurting myself, and she in turn told CW since she didn't know what to do and together they told a guidance counsellor. And then they tricked me into going in to talk to the counsellor for the school board that dealt with that sort of thing. An intervention of sorts. I was PISSED!

Now I know that they did what they felt was best for me and I appreciate it in a way, but I did not like the way it was handled and still don't really. Meh, it's over now. Anyway, that had resulted from my bottling things up that bothered, upset, angered, frustrated me. So now that I haven't been self-destructive in that way for... I actually can't remember since when. It's been that long, which is really good.

So lately when I find myself struggling to explain things to certain people, I'm doing my newer habit in the last few years of crying, yelling, anything to get it out and make them get what I'm trying to say without making them angry or upset with me... and then when that's not working it makes me want to revert back to bottling it up/shutting people out.

This is extremely hard for me to handle because people, including these people are always saying don't bottle it up... THEN FREAKING LISTEN!! Lol. Frig! So that's part of the reason I decided to start blogging again. I figure even if someone is making it impossible to talk to them.. I can at least blog and get it out and get some perspective and get a happy medium between bottling it up and killing myself emotionally trying to tell someone somethings they just are not grasping from me.

One of the things that calms me down when I'm frustrated is this girlie :)

<3 Veronica when she was 9 or 10 wks old










That was probably fairly confusing but in my opinion blogging is more for the blogger than the bloggee?.. reader I guess works. Duh! That's it for now kids... must go track my food for the day on my "healthy new life" profile.... which I'm trying to motivate myself to do. I need a kick in the butt!

-Tee

My Bestie

Hey!

Sooo.... I'm fairly certain that if you're reading this... you should go to here -----> http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/pages/Rebecca-Reeves-Photography/122336941171081 and check out my best friend's photography page on facebook. She's very talented and if you live in the Calgary, Ontario area... get your asses to her page and book her!

That will be all for now. Go do it!

-Tee

Rambling Numero Uno!

I decided to make a blogger account blog thing because I've blogged on myspace and some other site... can't remember which at the moment... in the past and I enjoyed it. I do currently have a blog on my fitness/health account on sparkpeople but I'm using that for my new healthy lifestyle stuff. I'll probably end up talking about that on here too but I think that one will just be fitness, nutrition, and stuggles with that and this will be my day to day life and that other stuff as well. So I'm going to try to do this once a day because I find writing therapeutic. That's corny... but true!

-Tee